Confession. I get high. A lot.

stressed tired momma

I have to confess something.  For so long now, I have been suffering the side effects from a substance that I willingly injected into my body.  I knew full well the long list of these potential, and even probable, side effects before I did it and I did it anyway.  I don’t even feel guilty about it.  I mean, my goodness…I should, shouldn’t I?  After all, I have a family to consider!  I allowed this deterioration of my body and all to get another fix!  Why would I subject myself to this:

  • abdominal discomfort/ pressure/ tenderness
  • acne
  • allergies
  • anemia
  • backache
  • bleeding gums
  • blood clots
  • blurry vision
  • breast leakage/ enlargement/ tenderness
  • buttock and leg pain
  • carpal tunnel syndrome
  • clumsiness
  • constipation
  • cramping
  • depression
  • diabetes
  • dizziness/ faintness
  • strange/ scary/ vivid dreams
  • enlarged/ varicose veins
  • excessive bleeding
  • excessive salivation
  • excessive vomiting/ nausea
  • extreme pain
  • eye changes
  • fatigue
  • fluctuating body temperature
  • fluctuating emotions
  • fluid leakage
  • food aversions/ cravings/ hunger
  • forgetfulness
  • gas/ bloating
  • gum disease
  • headaches
  • heartburn
  • hemorrhoids
  • hip pain
  • increased heart rate
  • increased susceptibility to infection/ sickness
  • insomnia/ increased restlessness
  • irrational fears
  • itchiness
  • loss of bodily functions
  • loss of desire
  • mood swings
  • mucous discharge
  • muscle cramps
  • navel soreness
  • nosebleeds
  • pelvic pressure
  • perineal aching
  • perspiration
  • pubic bone pain
  • rashes
  • rectal bleeding
  • red palms/ soles
  • rib tenderness
  • round ligament pain
  • sensitivity to smells
  • shortness of breath
  • skin tags/ skin changes/ skin darkening
  • snoring
  • stuffy nose
  • swelling
  • thirst
  • urinary tract infections
  • urinating frequently
  • urine leakage
  • vaginal bleeding

This list isn’t even exhaustive!  And, to make matters worse, that’s not only while the foreign substance remains in the body.  Eventually, the body expels it, which is a painful process where the body goes through the worst type of withdrawal.  Then….THEN…as if that weren’t enough, comes the post-trauma, long-term side effects, which range from mild to severe and can last YEARS!  These can vary so broadly from person to person, that you can’t even predict what will specifically happen to you!  Here are just a few that have been documented (not in alphabetical order):

  • irrational fears
  • sleeplessness
  • forgetfulness
  • depression
  • feelings of self-doubt
  • constant worry about the future
  • comprehension issues
  • inability to sustain one continuous thought at random points in time
  • feeling overwhelmed
  • feeling incompetent
  • more nightmares
  • anxiety
  • difficulty functioning at previous level of ability
  • stress
  • AND completely unknown potential future side effects!

And on and on it goes!  You must be judging me now.  I know you are.  Who could blame you?  Why would I, a relatively sane person with obligations and responsibilities, choose to subject myself to such a long list of side effects and truly life-changing repercussions?  And to make matters worse, this isn’t my first time.

But, before you judge me too harshly, please let me explain what I get from this.

It is the best high ever.

I’m talking a truly mind-altering, full-on euphoria.  I can feel the most love I’ve ever felt and want to dole it out it in equal kind.  I feel a new sense of pride, selflessness, hope and wonder.  I get the best physical sensations and have a new-found appreciation of the senses and what they are exposed to.  I feel like the luckiest person on the planet at any given, random moment…and I can feel like this for the rest of my life!  Can you really blame me for wanting to bring this kind of happiness, wonderment and fulfillment into my life?  Is it really so hard to believe that I would take all those terrible side effects for these ultimate feelings…not once, not twice, but FIVE times now?  Some might call me an addict and I suppose I am, in a way.  I will never be able to take back or change any of the health issues I have put upon myself, but I would never want to.  It’s completely worth it!  And maybe you think I’m in denial.  You may even be plotting an intervention.  But, I don’t care.  I might even do it again.  And believe me.  I’ve talked to others.  I’m not alone.  I know lots of people that believe the high is worth it all.  You know who you are.  Don’t deny it.

After all, motherhood may be wrought with “side effects”, but those little foreign bodies are all worth it in the end and you and I both know it.  😉

pregnancy side effects funny

 

2 thoughts on “Confession. I get high. A lot.

    • Thanks! I was looking through a symptoms list in a pregnancy book and this long, LONG list was what I saw as I flipped page after page. I thought it was almost comical what we go through and thought is sounded worse than many of those drugs out there with their lengthy side effects. It just inspired a little comedic wordplay to lighten the perspective (and maybe even enlighten a man or two) about what truly is a lot of pain and suffering we go through. 😉

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